I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
