Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
