The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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