Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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