Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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