he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my being single is dangerous.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
