I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
