Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
