chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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