My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
