I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
