We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
