I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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