I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
