Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
