my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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