Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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