Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
A bitchslap is in order.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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