I am in a vortex of obligation.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
