I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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