Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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