Nicole vs. Life
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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