My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
