My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
