Walk of Shame. In a state park.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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