Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
