It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
