Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
