i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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