Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
