Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
