Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
