it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
