My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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