it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
