Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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