unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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