i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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