Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
