I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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