I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
