Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
