naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
