so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
