im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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