she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
