turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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