My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
