Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
