I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
