My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
