so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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