There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
