he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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