Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
