Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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